Writing · Bài mẫu · L6W01 .3

Writing: Sample essays band 6.0 vs 7.0 — Band 6.5 đòi gì ở 4 tiêu chí

ID 203204

Xem hai bài mẫu cùng đề, chỉ đúng bài band 6.0 hụt ở đâu và bài band 7.0 nâng cấp chỗ nào theo từng tiêu chí, để áp vào bài của chính bạn.

20 phút đọc Advanced Mục tiêu Band 6.0 B2 5 lượt xem

1. Mục tiêu buổi học

  • Đọc hai bài cùng một đề, chỉ ra đúng câu nào làm bài dừng ở band 6.0, câu nào kéo bài lên 7.0
  • Biết band 6.0 và 7.0 khác nhau ở cách triển khai ý và dùng từ, không phải ở việc viết dài hay ngắn
  • Nhặt được 6-8 cụm từ và cấu trúc câu dùng lại được cho bài Task 2 của chính mình

2. Đề bài dùng để so sánh

Some people believe that children should be assigned to schools based on where they live. Others believe that children should take an entrance exam and be assigned to schools based on their academic ability. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

3. Outline chung cho cả hai bài

  1. IntroductionParaphrase đề, nêu position ngay: bạn ủng hộ cách nào hoặc đứng giữa nhưng nghiêng về một phía.
  2. Body 1: view thứ nhấtHọc theo khu vực (comprehensive school) — lý do người ta ủng hộ, ví dụ cụ thể.
  3. Body 2: view thứ haiHọc theo năng lực qua entrance exam (grammar school) — lý do người ta ủng hộ, ví dụ cụ thể.
  4. ConclusionNhắc lại position, tóm gọn lý do chính.

Cả hai bài mẫu dưới đây dùng đúng outline này. Khác nhau không phải ở bố cục mà ở cách mỗi đoạn được triển khai. Đây là điểm buổi 1 đã nói: band 6.5 cần position rõ từ đầu đến cuối và ý phát triển đủ sâu, chứ không phải thêm đoạn hay viết dài hơn.

4. Sample essay band 6.0

Band 6.0 sample257 words

Nowadays, there is a debate about how children should be assigned to schools. Some people think children should go to a school near their house, but other people think children should take an exam to enter a school based on their ability. In my opinion, I think the exam method is better, although both methods have some good points.

Firstly, people who support the location method say it is fair for everyone. Every child in the area can go to the same school, so no one is left out. Also, it is easier for parents because the school is close to home and children do not need to travel far. For example, a child living near a comprehensive school can walk there every day, which saves time and money for the family.

Secondly, people who support the exam method think it helps students learn better. If children with similar ability study together, teachers can teach at the right level for the whole class. Students who are good at studying will not be bored, and students who need more help can go to a school that teaches at a slower pace. For example, a child who passes the entrance exam for a grammar school will study with other students who are also good at the subject, so the class can move faster.

In conclusion, I think the exam method is better because it helps students learn more effectively, even though the location method is more convenient for families. Schools should think about ability more than where children live.

5. Nhận xét bài band 6.0

Tiêu chíĐược gìBị trừ vì gì
Task ResponseTrả lời đủ hai vế của đề, có nêu position ngay ở introductionPosition chỉ nói 'the exam method is better' mà không nói vì sao ngay lúc đó; ý ở body 2 mới nông một chỗ (chỉ nói 'move faster' mà không nói tới đâu)
Coherence and CohesionBố cục 4 đoạn rõ ràng, mỗi đoạn một ýDùng Firstly, Secondly máy móc kiểu liệt kê, không có câu nối ý giữa hai đoạn body cho thấy đây là hai mặt của cùng một vấn đề
Lexical ResourceDùng đúng vài từ chủ đề: entrance exam, comprehensive school, grammar schoolLặp lại nguyên cụm từ đề 'assigned to schools', 'based on' nhiều lần thay vì paraphrase; từ chung chung như good points, learn better
Grammatical Range and AccuracyCâu đúng ngữ pháp cơ bản, không có lỗi cản nghĩaToàn câu đơn nối bằng and/so/because, thiếu relative clause hay conditional để câu phức tạp hơn

6. Sample essay band 7.0 cùng đề

Band 7.0 sample325 words

There is an ongoing debate over whether children should attend the school closest to their home or be placed according to their academic ability through an entrance exam. While the location-based approach has clear social benefits, I would argue that ability-based admission produces better learning outcomes overall.

Those who favour the location method point out that it treats every family equally, regardless of income or connections. Because every child in the area attends the same comprehensive school, there is less pressure on families and less risk of a two-tier system where wealthier parents pay for tutoring just to help their children pass an exam. This is a genuine concern, since access to extra coaching often depends more on a family's finances than on a child's actual ability. In addition, staying close to home means children spend less time commuting and can remain with the same friends throughout their school years, which many parents see as important for a child's emotional stability.

However, grouping students by ability, which is the principle behind grammar schools, allows teaching to match the pace of the class more precisely. A student who gains admission through the entrance exam is likely to be surrounded by peers with similar academic strengths, which reduces the gap teachers have to bridge in a single lesson. A struggling learner, meanwhile, benefits from a school where the curriculum is adjusted rather than left behind in a mixed-ability classroom. In this sense, the exam-based system does not simply sort students; it matches teaching methods to actual need. Critics argue that this creates a two-tier system of its own, yet if entrance exams are free and widely available, the sorting is based on ability rather than family background.

In conclusion, although the location-based system is fairer in terms of access, I believe ability-based placement better serves students' long-term academic progress, provided that entrance exams remain free and open to all, not just those who can afford private tutoring.

7. Vì sao bài này được 7.0

Task ResponsePosition rõ và giữ nhất quán

Nêu position ngay ở câu cuối introduction, nhắc lại có điều kiện ở conclusion (provided that...) thay vì lặp nguyên câu.

Coherence and CohesionLiên kết bằng ý, không bằng linker liệt kê

Chuyển đoạn bằng However và nhắc lại ý đoạn trước (This is a genuine concern) để hai body nối với nhau, không tách rời.

Lexical ResourceParaphrase đề, dùng cụm chủ đề tự nhiên

Thay assigned to schools based on bằng placed according to, gains admission, a two-tier system.

Grammatical RangeTrộn câu đơn và câu phức

Có relative clause (which reduces the gap...), conditional (provided that...), và câu ghép có mệnh đề nhượng bộ (While... I would argue...).

8. Band 6.0 vs 7.0 từng câu

Band 6.0

  • In my opinion, I think the exam method is better, although both methods have some good points.
  • Every child in the area can go to the same school, so no one is left out.
  • Students who are good at studying will not be bored, and students who need more help can go to a school that teaches at a slower pace.
  • In conclusion, I think the exam method is better because it helps students learn more effectively.
  • For example, a child who passes the entrance exam for a grammar school will study with other students who are also good at the subject.

Band 7.0

  • While the location-based approach has clear social benefits, I would argue that ability-based admission produces better learning outcomes overall.
  • Because every child in the area attends the same comprehensive school, there is less pressure on families and less risk of a two-tier system.
  • A struggling learner benefits from a school where the curriculum is adjusted rather than left behind in a mixed-ability classroom.
  • Although the location-based system is fairer in terms of access, I believe ability-based placement better serves students' long-term academic progress, provided that entrance exams remain free and open to all.
  • A student who gains admission through the entrance exam is likely to be surrounded by peers with similar academic strengths, which reduces the gap teachers have to bridge in a single lesson.

Đăng nhập để đọc tiếp bài học này

Đây là một phần của kho học liệu IELTS NAVSEnglish. Tạo tài khoản miễn phí để mở khoá toàn bộ bài học, đề luyện và AI chấm bài.

Giỏ hàng của bạn (0)

Đang tải...